Let's imagine for a moment that you approach your sex life in the same way as you do your meditative practice: in silence, in a simple comfortable position, in a safe place, away from any distractions .. Sounds comfortable, right?
And if you feel safe, then it will be much easier to relax, and therefore enjoy the process and get an orgasm.
Various oriental philosophies from yoga to zen buddhism describe a strikingly simple path to a happy existence: simply realizing the present moment. People who practice mindfulness meditation divide it into two different types: formal and informal.
The formal is what we usually mean by meditation; adopting a comfortable posture and using technique to achieve a calm and clear state of mind.
On the other hand, informal practice is teaching yourself to perform various actions with a high level of awareness - in contrast to abstract automatism, which often sets the rhythm of modern life.
This method will be an excellent realization of your sexual energy in bed, adding new sensations to the already unique joy of an intimate act. However, despite the fact that it sounds simple enough, a conscious presence is neither easy nor simple.
Initially, it will take a long time before your attempts at awareness become more than just a set of memorable moments. In the end, the gaps between these moments will begin to fill, and then real magic will begin.
To begin with, it would be nice to give yourself some time and opportunities to study your (and your partner's) sexuality. This does not mean that you are not allowed to go to a sex shop, because sex is self-expression, and you should not avoid motivation, restrain it, or be constrained in time.
Many followers of neo-tantra pay great attention to massage, which is an ideal prelude and a real card for exploring each other's bodies. But, if you are uncomfortable with this thought, it is better not to try.
Massage, which seems strange and unnatural, simply does not create the right mood, but rather spoils the sensation.
Instead, try something that is comfortable and natural for you; you can cuddle with your partner’s desires, rub him with oil, slowly and carefully caress his body and examine it whole. By smell, taste and touch.
Close your eyes and just feel the touch of your loved one and the tenderness of his body, skin texture, its warmth and smell, the taste of your partner’s lips, skin, nipples, genitals ...
Whenever your mind wanders into the realm of abstract thinking, resist the flow of thoughts by carefully returning your attention to the physical sensation of the moment.
Observe the breath of your partner and try to feel its various qualities; what is his rhythm, how does it sound? You can try to ward off his breath, or you can try to calm yourself as much as you can, and just watch the response of your body.
If this is a penetration game, you can also try to feel the rhythm of the shocks - slowing down to a complete stop, then moving as smoothly and sensually as possible.
Or maybe move only from the inside - activating the muscles of the pelvic floor and trying to synchronize them with each other (yes, this works in any combination of genders).
If your partner is too mundane, western or a standardized sexual type of person who finds all sexual meditation too awkward, you can still benefit by changing your own approach to a more conscious one.
When you set your mind to a more sensual mode and learn to think less and feel more, it will help you get more out of any activity, even the most mundane.
Sometimes our anxious overactive brain presents us with many small disappointments that prevent us from fully devoting ourselves to pleasure. Maybe this bed is too hard or soft, or this pose is somehow wrong, the rhythm of the curve ...
The truth is that the real obstacle to pleasure is not at all outside, but inside our own heads. But our brains are enough to focus on the pleasant sensations in some other part of the body. “This pillow under my ass seems weird, but hey, I really like his tongue!”
In a stable relationship, sex life tends to become routine. Routines are boring and real sex killers. But there is a way to make money on them.
Routine, if it makes sense, can be a good thing - it can be your friend, acquaintance, and can provide a safe space for sexual exploration.
The way to preserve these valuable aspects of our sexual routine is to turn them into meaningful little rituals. So let's try the lashes! Maybe you can have a special secret way to tell your partner that you want to spank him? And if not, come up with it together. Let him choose the right toy.
Or maybe you have a pair of panties that you wear only during sex? Put it on work, and your whole boring day at the office will become a little brighter and more interesting, and underwear will remind you of the impending erotic evening.
Instead of routine bureaucratic fucking, ritualizing your routine can help you give meaning to your whole family life as a whole. There is a reason why all religions rely heavily on rituals. And sex is, of course, a sacred act.
- Some may say that our actions were completely unconscious when we entered into a difficult romantic relationship. A vague statement is somewhat correct. Unable to understand or explain why romance dominates our logical minds, we are sad, excited, and sad.